Agnieszka R. Turczyńska

She is funding trans genocide. J.K. Rowling funds trans genocide, full stop. So, if you support “Harry Potter,” you’re supporting trans genocide. The money that goes into you enjoying these products, a portion of that money goes to J.K. Rowling and that money goes into her funding anti-trans legislation all over the world. I told that already, and I will repeat that again: if you are giving JKR money or fame, you are not a trans ally. Period.

There are bad authors, and there are good authors. Or, sadly, were. Sir Terry Pratchett was a good one. I cannot find the source, but there was a story, if my memory doesn't trick me, on tumblr. Let me try to quote the gist of the story how I remember it. If you have a screenshot, or a copy, I encourage you to provide it. I was waiting in the queue for the book to be signed by him. When it was my turn he asked me, to whom he should sign the book. I told him my name, and added quietly, as my parents were nearby: "for now". He, also quietly, asked: "and what it is going to be?" I told him my chosen name of the opposite gender. He thought for a moment, and he signed a book with a scribble, which could be plausible read as both, my old name, and my chosen one. When I had read this story for the first time, still being in my crossdressing phase, and thinking about my transition as something unattainable, I've cried a little bit. And even now, many years later, when I am thinking about that story, I am touched, and suddenly I have my eyes in a wet place. And let me remind you about two gems, which are important for the whole transgender community. One is Feet of Clay, with the Sergeant Cherri Littlebotom. The other one, Monstrous Regiment, with Private Oliver Perks. He was a kind person, and a good ally of transgender folks. Thank you. @samantha@beige.party for reminding me about it. You are being missed, Terry. You won't be forgotten. You were a humble person. But you are entitled to quote Horace. You have build a monument more permanent than bronze. You deserved it, and it is our duty, to remind it, again, and again, and again. I am going to cry a little bit now. There is a hole in my heart in your shape 💔 Rest in Peace. Thank you for everything. #GnuTerryPratchett

I hold a strong belief about processing trauma. If you had traumatic experiences in your past, you are wounded. And those wounds requires mending and soothing. That's no doubt. If you were wounded, you had to learn to protect those wounds. To protect yourself. And some of those protecting mechanisms may - even if unintended, and involuntary - hurt other people. Healing means both: to heal your wounds, and to unlearn those mechanisms. That's it. There are implications, but I will left them out.

If you are in the mid/long term relationship, and you more complain about your partner to others, than actually talking to your partner about the issues this is a sign. Also, if you notice, that your partner spends more time talking to others about you, than talking to you, this is the sign. This is the sign, that there is something wrong in your relationship, and you have three options: you start talking to each other, and try to resolve those problemsyou start talking to each other, and conclude, the difference is too big, and you should split, with the chance of still being friendsjust quit. You will save the time and further disappointment. Because if you don't talk to each other, the problems won't disappear. Thinking otherwise is naivety bordering of stupidity. Unfortunately, I am writing this from my own experience, of being on the both sides: first, not communicating with my partner, then being refused a communication by the other partner. Seriously, spare yourself a disappointment and pain.

Disclaimer: this is a rhetorical question, which I am answering myself below. Just for you to know my stance, if you are interested. But feel free to leave a comment if you want to add something. Just please be aware, if I read it as an attempt to convince me to lower my expectations, spare yourself the effort. Sometimes I think that my approach is too lax. At least it used to be. Also, I am referring to transphobia as an example, because I had some interactions recently which fit the picture. But the same logic applies to other bigot/violent behaviour. So, obviously, there are well known transphobes, some are wealthy and powerful, some are just randos from the internet, organised in some groups or not. Those, certainly are not my friends. Period. Unfortunately, some of them are creators of cultural goods. And some of them, or their creations, might be important for your childhood. I am sorry that those authors had turned into shit. I know the pain (see https://circumstances.run/@agturcz/116920769003995675 for reference). I am sorry, but you have some work to do. Especially, if you belong to the group which is a subject of hate of such author. The bare minimum you can do is to be quiet about it. But let me be clear. If you are still paying for goods related to the creation of this author, you are paying for my own demise. Do not, and I cannot stress it more, do not expect friendliness from me. I cannot see you as an ally without violating my own integrity. Then there are neutrals. This - and some recent interaction - is the main reason for writing this toot. Some public figures are not neutral. And if you very assertively communicating, that you don't care about the life and values of some well known bad person, the message you send is, that you don't care, that their actions are hurtful to some group of people. And if I - knowingly to you - belong to this group, you send the message you don't care about me, and about my wellbeing. One of my flaws, to my own demise, is that I am too naive, and I trust people too much. If you are still a subject of benefit of doubts, or we already have some history, I will raise the issue with you, giving you a chance to reconsider. But if you, again, very assertively, tell me, that I am not going to change your mind, then fine. I am not going to. That's not my job. It's your job to consider the effects of your action. However, don't be surprised, if I take some precautions to assert my own wellbeing. But let me tell you. To majority of people I am granting some credit of trust. And, to some extent, I am forgiving. But if you knowingly run out of it, then it is very, very hard to gain my trust again. This is how my brain works. Even if I decide that I want to trust a person again, I need to put a conscious effort to do it. As an example, there is a person, who I learnt about for the first time, from their transphobic behaviour. That person went to my black list. Then, few months later - who could guess it - that person's egg has cracked. And as far as I can tell, they are decent, valuable person. But the seed of distrust in my heart is like invasive weed in the garden. But this is my work, and my effort to change it. If, finally, it happens that you belong to the same group as myself, then it's enough for me to undertake this effort. But if you are not, and you have changed your mind to become an ally, you will need to work hard to convince me, that you are worth the effort to get rid of the weed of distrust. I might be less strict for other cases of hostile behaviour, but transphobia is - for obvious reasons - my pet peeve. Here goes the hard line. Anything mentioned above goes to my black list. Here, on fediverse, it means a note on your profile, which might be upgraded to block. Then there is a grey zone. You interact with people on my black list too often. Like, person is blocked. But I see their handle in your replies, and it annoys me. Unless someone is particularly vile, I am against ganging up on them. Which puts me in a difficult situation. If we are friends, I will contact you in private mentioning my concerns. But this is already conflict-prone situation, because when I contact you, I already have some expectations. If we are not friends, then I might unfollow you, maybe even mute, without even telling you. And yes, it has happened in the past. You might say I am too harsh, and too picky. Maybe you are right. However, in the recent two years, since last summer olympics, too many people (both, known from IRL, and internet only), who I considered as friends and allies, has disappointed me. So, you know my boundaries(*), and you know what you can expect from me. (*) At least those related to bigotry and adjacent. There are others, but they are not in the scope of this toot.

I've joined fediverse in November 2022. Which means you have already existed for quite a few years, you have created the community and the lore. You have experienced some dangers, and you needed to tackle them. I have not seen them. But there are traces of them in the server blocklist you want to install on your server, if you want to have a reasonably peaceful time. You have experienced some transformation, when the sudden influx of new people has appeared. And I am part of this wave, and this transformation. I've learnt everything about the fediverse from you. I was lucky enough to find and start following folks who were on the fediverse from the very beginning. And my impression, and the lore I strongly believe, is that you, as people who has created early fediverse, has aimed to create a space with is safe and inclusive for minorities. As a digress, and a disclamer, we have apparently failed the PoC, particularly Black community, but that's another story. I have some thoughts about that. Maybe I will pour them our one day. But for now, please keep that in mind whenever I mention the whole fediverse. Anyway. ActivityPub is not a technically perfect protocol. This is not my discovery. It has been said by those working on and with it. But regardless of that you have developed a kind of social contract to protect the community. And it mostly works. Of course, particular rules differs between the instances. But regardless of that there are some common values we, as a community, try to follow. But the problem with social contract is, it works as long as there are no malicious and/or irresponsible players in the game. And here is the problem. Some folks, prominent in developing technical aspects of the network, care more about the growth, than the safety. To be honest, indirectly, I care about the growth as well. Why indirectly? I care more about people leaving the walled gardens of other social networks. But I care even more about not compromising the space I am in, the space I have found as safe for myself. So, I have my priorities well established there. But, apparently, for some people growth is a value for itself. Unfortunately, those people are responsible for developing the most popular - so far - software of the fediverse. I do not experience many of the issues below, as I am on a small, invite only instance, where the majority of users know each other in person for years. But I've heard from you about long standing issues and feature requests regarding widely understood moderation, which are not being picked up by the development team. There was this guy from steering committee, complaining that we aren't welcoming enough for AI folks. Hell, we aren't! And let it better stay this way! And then there is this tags.pub, made by another well known person, which was intended to solve a technical issue of the federated network, but it ended in the way breaking the social contract. The thing is, such changes need to be communicated clearly before, to be discussed, and consequences to be well understood. So, yeah, that's it. I am not tagging anyone from the mastodon development team. But I hope it will reach them, and they will rethink their approach to the community, and their priorities, and values. Because I would like fediverse to be the safe space. And all development - understood as technical as well as personal - being directed into increasing the safety, not decreasing it in the name of the growth.

Kind people: Be the change you want to see in the world. JKR: Be the predator you want to see in the world.

If you mention in your bio that you are lgbt+ ally, and in your introduction thread your likining of Harry Potter, that means you are not an ally of trans folks. There are two options possible. Either you do not hang up with trans folks, to know the systemic problems they face. In this case your allyship is declarative/performative, and has not been proofed yet. There's still a chance for you. Read, listen, learn. And stop mentioning Harry Potter in public. Or you already know about how Rowling is actively hurting trans folks, and you don't care. Then you're not an ally, and you're not to be trusted at all. If you recognise yourself in this description, and you want to discuss it, you automatically fall into the second category. There is nothing to discuss. There are no any redeeming qualities here. JKR is the most vile person the whole trans community experiences. There's no good faith in debating that.