Kevin Davy

Recently when I sometimes try to respond to a post and the app doesn't allow me to, I get the following message, This post may have been deleted... OK, fair. I know it can take time for the delete command to rumble through the Fediverse. But then followed by, Or may not have existed... And I can't help thinking. Look, I know this place is run by furries and cat girls and neurodivergent folk of all sorts and I know that they can't help but play with the code. But I'm looking at the damn post, it clearly exists. So that can only mean, either way, whether it's may never have existed, or doesn't exist yet, if some of you buggers have started playing with temporal mechanics I'm out of here. I grew up watching the Twilight Zone. I know how this ends up for the innocent bystanders like me. 🤣

@murdoc@autistics.life @akamran@indieweb.social Also, still in burnout. To be honest I am beginning to believe that burnout is almost inevitable as you get older. As much as anything because our tolerances and energy grows ever less.

@autistics@fedigroups.social As so many of us struggle with what the angry weather Gods are throwing at us. With the greed of a few threatening us all, with their empty dreams and blind visions of the future. And most of all with the greed and power-hunger of our so-called leaders and the spineless betrayal of those who should be holding them in check. It is perhaps worth remembering something. Being born autistic, or adhd or both, means that this life has always been against us. We walk through it with incredible gifts. Such as sensory perception capable of seeing truly profound beauty, pattern recognition that lets us see the writing on the wall, long before others can even see the wall, the ability to concentrate and produce over extraordinary periods of time and character traits of truth and honour and honesty, logic and loyalty and steadfast courage. And so much more. All gifts, I would argue, in the right circumstances, when they are not being abused by the systems we have to try and survive in, or the world created for others. Because then they can be turned into our curse and from them can be spawned other darknesses that we end up wearing like cloaks as we crawl though live, attempting merely to survive, anxiety, stress, depression, illness and despair. This is the story of so many of our lives. Of our gifts also being our curses, of all that we have to carry that so few want to see or recognise. And do you know what that has made us? Stronger than we know. Give the average allistic even an hour walking in our shoes and they would give up, or break. Yet we endure, we have always endured. It is part of what makes us, us. #Autism#ActuallyAutistic

@autistics@fedigroups.social For those of you who may be sensitive to such things. I am going to be talking about chronic illness and especially the complexity of additional conditions later in life. No details, just a general, well, vent I suppose, as part of my process of coming to terms with this and understanding it. I was born with chronic asthma. In fact, as a very young child, doctors told my parents that I wouldn't make it through the night, on at least two different occasions, it was that bad. It has, in a sense, shaped my life, just as much as my autism/adhd (even though I didn't have a name for that then) and that is because I had to learn to adapt to them in much the same way. By understanding what they would allow and most definitely what they wouldn't. What perhaps I could manage and what would definitely cost too much. It all meant that my life and the choices I made going forward were governed as much, if not more, by what I couldn't do, as by what I potentially could. And then comes the addition to my elder days of other chronic issues. COPD and a back that is truly fucked, which I believe was the medical terminology used. Suddenly I have a conflict of many separate demands on my resources, any and all of which can be draining and no way of really knowing which will be in play on any given day, above and beyond their natural state of dysfunction and energy drain. It leaves me, with what I like to call, Schrödinger's draw. In principle spoons should be in there, but whether they are, or aren't and how many there might be, can't be known until I look inside each day. It makes planning a far more uncertain process, even to something as simple as the next day. In fact, at times, it seems almost impossible. My life filled far more with cannot's and maybes, than with anything else. Something my audhd nature is far from happy with and that can bring a greyness to the world as I realise that I can barely see ahead any more and attempting to do so with any hope is far more difficult. Still, it is early days and no doubt I will adapt. If there is one thing being audhd all my days has taught me, it is how to do that. Please note. I am fine and it is still early days. And anyone replying with anything about therapy and getting it, could very well be met with all the withering scorn available to my embattled and gnarly old soul. (But that's just me and therapy) #ActuallyAutistic#Autism#Spoonie

@murdoc@autistics.life @akamran@indieweb.social Indeed. So much of this is the accumulative stress and strains of our autistic lives and perhaps especially the time when we didn't know we were autistic. Better lives, would certainly help with that.

@punishmenthurts@autistics.life @murdoc@autistics.life @akamran@indieweb.social @autistics@fedigroups.social Awakenings are never easy. It's kind of the point, if it's true change.

@KaCi@autistics.life @autistics@fedigroups.social I think one of the reasons we have a reputation for restrictive black and white thinking, is that when we consider something, we really consider it, every aspect and nuance. So once we have come to a conclusion, it's no easy thing providing the information to change it. Also, so much of what we do is done to accommodate our lives. That you don't understand that, or the reasons why we have no intention of changing what works, is a you thing and not a stubbornness and being restricted thing.

@chestas@aus.social @Susan60@aus.social @neurodiversity@a.gup.pe Although sometimes it's because the way we present as either autistic, or with our adhd, is not like either the stereotypes, or the way that most others seem to. It's hard in the beginning to realise what a broad spectrum they actually are. Not to mention that if you are audhd the one we recognise first often acts to conceal the effects and influence of the other. Or everything is lumped into that one category in our minds.

@joshsusser@autistics.life I think they would have to find a new person every week, if not few days. 🤣

@Greenseer@toot.wales

@melindrea@beige.party To be honest, this is why I don't like over doing pain meds, even if it means I am left somewhat in pain. The pain is a message I like to be able to listen to.

@erin@mastodon.kvuzet.net Yep, it's like a weight off my shoulders every time.

@Ailbhe @autistics That's a lovely way to put. What was enabled was her autonomy. Should we all be so lucky.

@barefootrambling@autistics.life @autistics@fedigroups.social I would say that we qualify. I was like you, not really in one group, but able to flit between groups. I suppose it is a part of always being on the outside looking in.

@autismunicorn@autistics.life @autistics@fedigroups.social I marked yes. But realistically it should be both. In so far as knowing that my values and the way I need to exist is more likely to cause conflict, even though it's mostly others with me, I have learnt to avoid the sort of situations where it's more likely to occur and the people who are most likely to cause it. Oh, and give far less of a toss about the opinions of others and especially of those I don't value or are not a part of my world.

@Susan60 @Ailbhe @autistics Things are much the same here in the UK. The private, for profit, providers, of varying quality, underfunded public systems and over reliance on the declining volunteer sector to fill in the ever widening cracks. Add in the growing economic pressures on people, that mean many struggle even to look after their own needs, let alone help others, does not make for a pretty picture moving forward. None of which is helped by the changes in lifestyles and habits that mean the sense of neighbourhood and community mutuality, that used to underpin so much of the mutual aid and help, is on the decline.

@emily_rugburn@lgbtqia.space You might want to look into whether there is a residency scheme. Perhaps a pre-pay much cheaper option, or permits.

@Bel_tamtu@meemu.org This is why I also struggled with adhd tests and realising that I was Audhd. "Do you have a problem with..." Simple answer was always no, until I realised that it was because I had spent literally decades working out ways not to have a problem.

@alice@lgbtqia.space 🎉🎉🥰🥳

@ideogram@social.coop And I thought my sleep was bad at the moment. Hoping you can have a decent sleep, sooner rather than later.

@PetraPhoenix@beige.party 🎉 💪

@doggle@mastodon.online And why not.

@SerenaTori @x0 @autistics Exactly. Many of us may crave independence more so than most. But, as you said, this shouldn't equate to doing everything yourself. Not only is this realistically impossible in the modern world, but it's also not really a feasible way to function.

@Susan60 @Ailbhe @autistics I'm sure not. Neither does the press and some politician's insistence on harping on about over-diagnosis and the crisis that it brings. For far too many it's easier to see us as the problem and not the system and it's failures.

@KaCi @Tamtam @autistics @Susan60 Part of the myth is that we can and indeed should be, individual independent units of production. As much to keep us from organising as communities as anything But as Tamtam pointed out, this myth doesn't even begin to take into account the sheer quantity of the unacknowledged work and support that is required and done for the most part by females.

@emily_rugburn@lgbtqia.space Sounds like typical autistic sensitivity. Also, buy as many of those socks as you can. For god sake don't rely on them being always available.

@Azzura @autistics Thank you for adding this. It is all so very true and not something I had considered in this context. As you pointed out, the fierce streak of independence and sometimes exaggerated demand avoidance autistic's can have, is not entirely unwarranted or without cause. But far from helpful when disabled or later in life needs are considered. Perhaps, with this in mind, some of the overly stubborn and resistant relatives we may have known, can be seen now to be also telling another story.

@hauchvonstaub The whole sense of begging for scraps off the table and being made to go through hoops to get even that much is itself gatekeeping of the worst sort. It's definitely not designed to encourage us and, perhaps, is even worse for those of us who struggle with such systems as it is.

@jetlagjen @autistics Sounds like you have done a great job with him. Ailbhe in this thread pointed out beautifully that what my neighbour was being supported with, was her autonomy of choice. That is the key that the systems rarely emphasise or makes easy to have. Yet it is what our sense of independence should really be about.

@dramypsyd@ohai.social 🎉 🎉 🎂

@JaxVent@lgbtqia.space Good luck with this 🤞

@PurpleStephyr 🎉 🎉 🥳

@pelavarre @autistics I'm sorry this happened to you. But, yes, this is definitely the dark side of how independence and what striving for it too literally can lead to. Rather than realising that accepting help is also about maintaining our autonomy, or at least should be.

@Tooden @SerenaTori @x0 @autistics Indeed, when they work and that depends so much on those on the front line.

@HarmonthSeeker @autistics Indeed.

@misaimed_brain @autistics There is that, yes.

@AncTreat5358@lgbtqia.space @autistics@fedigroups.social This is one of my biggest bugbears too. Hopefully you can get it sorted out. Even though it should never have happened.

@Sh41 @autistics Indeed they can be.

@deankirkman@mastodon.social And don't forget that as often we struggled whilst assuming that we shouldn't have done. Often because whilst we might have known that we were different in some way, the assumption was always that we shouldn't have been.

@PurpleStephyr ❤️

@AncTreat5358@lgbtqia.space @melindrea@beige.party I hope this is momentary and settles down soon.

@AncTreat5358@lgbtqia.space Living alone and unless I need something I've already used, I only do one wash a day. It costs me a boiled kettle of water. Also, leaving your dishes to air dry is as good, if not better, than drying them.

@hellomiakoda@pdx.social Bugger!

@tsubokun@sakurajima.social Following the ActuallyAutistic hashtag, remembering that it is for everyone who is, or simply thinks they may be autistic and not just those officially diagnosed, will give you access to most of the community here. Otherwise just remember that your time line is determined by who you follow and not who follows you. And that this place values interaction and that, for the most part, we don't bite. Welcome to the Fediverse 😊

@shadows @autistics Obligation and sometimes feeling trapped into it, is such a big problem. It's far better to have systems where the concept is "what goes around, comes around." In others words not based on simple one to one exchanges. But on the help you give being returned by others helping you.

@Ailbhe Yep.

@stevewfolds@mastodon.world @DocAtCDI@mastodon.social Agreed, sounds like it. If your gloves are on the tight side, it can make it worse.