Boosted by @hypebot@goingdark.social
Last night 3YO told a spoonful of rice that they should get excited because they were about to go see all their friends in her belly
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Sy Hoekstra
@SyHoekstra@tweesecake.social
mastodon 4.8.0-nightly.2026-08-15+glitch🧑🦯➡️ Writing and podcasting humor and stories about my adventures in blindness. Staff Writer at the disability satire publication the Squeaky Wheel. Was a lawyer before deciding to be happy, now a freelancer in all kinds of things. Live in NYC with my wife and daughter who are sighted but still cool.
339 Followers
603 Following
50 Posts
Joined July 31, 2023
My humor and disability newsletter:
My freelancing website:
Pronouns:
He/him
When you’re blind, wet floor signs are so much more dangerous than wet floors
Toddler had a birthday. There were cake pops. Next day she randomly laughed to herself and then said, “Cake Pop Demon Hunters”
my 3YO is doing public education in NYC about disabilities after watching the Paralympics. We were on the subway with a couple kids from her school who started asking about my white cane, so I explained when you can’t see you use a cane to feel what’s in front of you. Then she jumps in really enthusiastically to say more, and she is at the perfect toddler age where she has absolutely no sense of how loud she is. So she was just screaming to everyone on the train about how if you lose your legs but you want to ice skate you get a sled, and if you don’t have an arm you can get a new one (which she called a glass arm b/c the only prosthesis she knows is my eye). The moms of her two friends were like “Oh… okay we’re just screaming about amputation huh?” It was so funny. #Disability #Blind #Blindness #Parenting
Boosted by @angry_drunk@union.place
My first post for the Squeaky Wheel went up today. The site is an Onion-style news parody site written by and for disabled people https://thesqueakywheel.org/paraplegic-architect-who-put-buildings-only-entrance-on-the-roof-now-how-do-you-fucking-like-it/ #disability #comedy #humor
Boss: Tony, when I said build a deck for the board meeting, I didn’t mean a porch. I need a deck from you ASAP.
Tony: Sorry. (hands boss playing cards)
Boss: Tony, I need a PowerPoint!
Tony: Sorry. (Points finger authoritatively)
Boss: Is this a joke? Tony, dec! Now!
Tony: Sorry. (punches boss)
Boss: (Falls off deck) Tony, my suit is ruined and I have a black eye. You have to go in there with the board and present yourself.
Tony: Sorry. (Walks in board room, takes off clothes, lies down, looks expectantly at board members)
Chairman: What are you doing?! Get dressed!
Tony: Sorry. (Stands, goes to lunch table, grabs ranch, dumps on head)
Chairman: We need security!
Tony: (Stands guard at door, still naked/covered in ranch)
Chairman: Wait, this man does anything we say! Tony, take care of our corporate enemies.
Tony: (Finds rival CEO, makes him dinner, Tucks him into bed, reads him story)
Rival CEO: Thanks , good night, Tony.
Tony: (Dawns armor, mounts horse, embarks upon quest) #TootFic #ShortFiction #MicroFiction #Humor #comedy
Hey #Blind canadiens, I’m in your lovely country. Tips for handling the milk bags? I guess I don’t even know how cited people do it without just dumping the milk everywhere, so I can’t even start to come up with how you do it without vision. CNIB or somebody needs to do a tutorial on this.
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@Kierkegaanks Oh yes, this was a very disturbing thing she said if you think about it too much
“It smells like an old man.” - my 3YO after she pooped
I almost asked what she meant, before realizing I am the primary old man in her life, and deciding not to follow up for the sake of my ego. #Parenting
Brag: I have been bumped up to staff writer at the Squeaky Wheel! It’s a satire publication by disabled writers. I’m quite proud of this little archive of posts I’m building up there. If you haven’t seen these as I’ve posted them individually, I hope you like them! #Disability #Comedy #Humor #Satire #Writing https://thesqueakywheel.org/author/syhoekstra/
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@dhamlinmusic Oh for sure. There’s a super heavy and also super top heavy sign just outside a coffee place around the corner from me that I have knocked over no less than 10 times because they keep moving it to different places. Makes a huge crashing sound every time I do it
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@RegGuy Oh yeah, this is a problem. And it got so much worse during the first couple years of Covid when everybody moved their whole restaurants outside
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@nxskok@cupoftea.social @lerven@tweesecake.social The milk bag clipper fridge magnet, a uniquely Canadian kitchen item
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@DLink@posthat.ca @zazzoo@mstdn.ca @lerven@tweesecake.social OK it’s possible the people I’m staying with don’t have the right pitcher then haha. I’ll have to look into it further. The extra snip is an interesting tip, thanks!
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@lerven@tweesecake.social OK but sided people are clipping the corner and then putting the bag in a pitcher or something so you don’t have to keep washing the container and just dumping it straight from the bag into the bowl of cereal. So you’re saying we are skipping that and just doing the extra dishes? This thought did occur to me, but I wanted to know if we can do it the efficient way
A corporate team building exercise where the participants experience blindness. Not by putting on blindfolds. By being actually blinded. Satire is fun. https://deepsy.net/p/realistic-blindness-simulation-exercises-d7e?utm_source=publication-search #Satire #Humor #Comedy #Disability #Blindness #Blind #DeepSy
Airport employees handing the family’s travel documents back to my sighted wife no matter who handed them over in the first place is the blind equivalent of waiters giving men the check
A post about two subjects I think about a lot: 1. how weird it is to feel perfectly comfortable with blindness knowing everyone else is terrified of it, and 2. how to make more people join my multilevel marketing cult. https://deepsy.net/p/living-a-life-everyone-fears #Disability #Blind #Humor #Writing
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@Lana@beige.party @itamarst@hachyderm.io Yeah I don’t disagree with that. The point I’m making is this will not affect individual investors, and I came away from the story you wrote thinking you believed it would, which seems like a reasonable conclusion. Also the point still stands that all the different types of accounts you listed are not going to be forced to buy the stock. And the S&P 500 will not include the stock until long after the employees have had their chance to sell. Not a lot of digging on this story painted a very different picture for me then what you presented here
One of the more unhinged things I’ve ever written: https://deepsy.net/p/tips-for-ending-unwelcome-conversations-b8c #DeepSy #Humor #Comedy #Disability #Blind #blindness
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@MikeGorse @nolan Or just any solution where it’s not an easily knocked over things standing in the middle of the floor. But I do actually love the idea of a wet floor sign sign. A second sign that says “caution wet floor sign,” with an arrow pointing to the other one
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@jdking92 Just knocked one over with my cane and then almost stepped on it and slipped, hence the toot
Blind followers, does a screen reader’s mispronunciation of someone’s name ever worm its way into your brain so deeply that you accidentally say it out loud? I have done this, and that was the jumping-off point for my most recent post at the Squeaky Wheel, though this takes a hard turn in a different direction. Enjoy! #Blind #Blindness #Humor #Satire #Disability #Comedy #ScreenReaders https://thesqueakywheel.org/blind-man-keeps-pronouncing-co-workers-names-like-his-screen-reader-does/
We don’t know enough about #Disability history as a society, and that’s why I wrote this completely definitely factually accurate article about all the things Louis #Braille tried before inventing his famous tactile codex. Do the work and educate yourself! https://thesqueakywheel.org/louis-brailles-earlier-ideas-ranked/ #Blind #Blindness #Humor #Satire #comedy
The first two episodes of my new podcast are out! We’re explaining soccer to sports fans in the US intrigued by all the excitement around the explosive growth of the sport, and helping people get caught up for the World Cup this summer. Enjoy! https://soccerexplainedpod.com/ #soccer #worldcup
I am disabled and proud. Like I can’t see and I’m also a dick
My absolutely badass wife on the importance of solidarity with Haitian immigrants in the immigration fight: https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/haitians-collective-liberation #Haiti #Immigration #Trump
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@Edelruth@mastodon.online Oh I’m pretty confident people can still miss it lol. But yes, make a real point in the silliest way possible, that’s the goal
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@VulcanTourist@autistics.life Oh I have access to the audio description track, so it should be fine to watch. I just haven’t gotten around to it
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@VulcanTourist@autistics.life I will be honest I Googled this one. Always meant to watch BSG but never got around to it
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@dhamlinmusic Yes! That’s the deadliest kind. Sideways right in the exact spot like a doorway where you are transitioning how you’re using your cane and can totally miss it
Serwer, as usual, cutting through the bullshit and explaining what happened today clearly @_L1vY_@mstdn.social
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@Lana@beige.party @itamarst@hachyderm.io The information in this article says that the average investor will have very low exposure to SpaceX stock. Like the one Vanguard index that this will affect is $17 of SpaceX stock for every $10,000 invested. The S&P 500 will have no spaceX stock exposure at all until next year. It seems like you’re spreading misleading stuff in this post.
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@MariahL So annoying… i’ve had meat and assist people try and keep my documents too. Are you trying to keep my tickets safe in case someone tries to take them… Cause you are the primary person I’m concerned about taking them
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@MariahL Make sure it’s safe? Are you sure? I was going to set them on fire and throw them in the trash, but if you say so…
Barely satire @mcswys@www.threads.com
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@serrebi@serrebiradio.com But is it just a question of practice? The bag, from my perspective, just flops all over the place and I never know where or how fast it’s going to come out
We’re continuing our series on how a soccer match works, and talking positions. Plus, we give some friendly advice to Americans my co-host heard referring to the World Cup tournament itself as “FIFA,” and we talk the dramatic reversal of Miami’s fortunes in the MLS over the last couple years. All in a beginner-friendly way. Enjoy! https://www.soccerexplainedpod.com/s1e3-soccer-positions-explained-a-guide-to-every-player-on-the-field/ #Soccer #MLS #WorldCup #fifa
If you’re not acquainted with the idiosyncratic (to say the least) home run calls of John Sterling, the Yankees radio legend who passed away Monday, please allow me to familiarize you via this little tribute. https://deepsy.net/p/john-sterlings-home-run-calls-in #Yankees #MLB #Baseball #BaseballMastadon #JohnSterling #DeepSy #humor
This is so funny: Everyone in This Coffee Shop Is Having a Meet-Cute Except for Me https://www.pointsincase.com/articles/everyone-in-this-coffee-shop-is-having-a-meet-cute-except-for-me
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@WeirdWriter@caneandable.social Whoa, what??? so messed up. Also has to be against the app’s terms
I have a new podcast coming out tomorrow for the rapidly-growing number of Americans who are interested in/casual fans of soccer. I and my co-host (who is also my aunt and a soccer team owner) explain the game and share why we love it. If you’re in the US and typically watch the big American sports but you’re intrigued by all the excitement around soccer, this one’s for you. Find it at https://soccerexplainedpod.com/ #Soccer #Sports #Football #Baseball #Hockey #NFL #MLB #NHL #Basketball #nba