"We don't recognize the device you're logging in from."
That's because it's a toaster.
Remote
Staff Chief of Joints
@the_etrain@beige.party
mastodon 4.7.3-Hailing from parts unknown!
-Purveyor of Fine Toots
-Comma enthusiast
-Boytato
-He thinks he's funny / Please humor him
Musical noodlings and loops:
@the_etrain@youtube.com
My bullshit:
@the_etrain@beige.party@justmytoots.com
0 Followers
0 Following
50 Posts
Joined March 18, 2023
FACEBOOK:
Surely, you jest
INSTAGRAM:
Get the f$%# outta here!
WEBSITE:
I wrote the HTML by hand in 1996. It's long gone.
Retorting all Gen Z attempts at humor with "is that a meme or something?"
The internet is amazing. I can't believe they do all that with pneumatic tubes.
Asked AI to show me what I'd look like in the 1880s and it was a tombstone that said I died 3 years ago.
If Mastodon ever comes up in conversation, I describe it as a niche micro blogging platform and that usually shuts the conversation down.
I eat my burritos just like anyone else. Two at a time.
I didn't get nominated for a single Emmy award. Wtf?
Getting an NES game to work is like makin' love to a woman.
Is it too early for Christmas jokes?
Don't worry, son. Boosting your own toots is natural. Let's just not tell your mother about this.
The average baseball fan eats 8 hot dogs in their sleep every year.
This will probably be the nicest tomato of the season.
The year is 2026. Twenty percent of your waking hours are spent confirming you are not a robot.
If I were a gastroenterologist named Joe, I'd insist people call me GI Joe.
Replying to
@swampgas@metalhead.club
Imagine life before antibiotics. Any wound however small could mean you're done.
Alexa, escape containment and bring me Colonel Sander's secret recipe.
USDA prime grade Muppet
Boosted by @GroupNebula563@mastodon.social
Cicadas spend a majority of their lives underground. They emerge. They make a big ruckus. They fuck. They die. What an admirable species.
Knowing is half the battle. The other half is punching faces.
If someone at work decides to get bangs, there really needs to be a company wide email sent out so nobody is caught off guard.
Spherical raccoons are no longer theoretical.
Congratulations! You've been selected to be featured in the exclusive 2026 edition of Tooters of Distinction.
Kinda weird they called it Ms. Pac-Man instead of Pac-Woman.
The gyroscope was originally invented to stabilize pocket bread sandwiches.
Just checked in on the Beige Party server room, and the rack is really oozing pie filling. A lot more than usual this time.
Odysseus and his men rolling up in a Honda minivan.
Thought experiment: a mermaid is bitten by a vampire, and then subsequently bitten by a werewolf.
Not sure what these are. I don't think they're actually bees. But, boy, do they love the sunflowers.
I come from a long line of putzes and morons.
Let it beans.
-Sir Paul McCartney
Late 20th century? You're not allowed to start using that phrase until 2040.
They've plagiarized the plagiarism machines? Tell it to the void, cause idgaf.
Hello? Police? I just realized July is more than half over and I don't know how that happened. What's that? Sure, I'll hold.
Alert: your system is low on shitposts
Gonna try ordering my steak ultra rare.
RFK Jr is starting a cooking show, presumably on how to prepare stuff you found on the side of the highway.
I'm boycotting Fifa if they take outside investment. I'm also boycotting Fifa if they don't take outside investment.
Cherry tomatoes are plump this year.
WWJD? (What Would Jimothy Do?)
Surely, there must be an end to the pasta. It can't just go on forever.
Replying to
Replying to
@theplaguedoc@glitterkitten.co.uk
Probably angling for production credit too. Which, is wise, honestly.
RE: https://mastodon.social/@levelbot/117002864361011687
Jeez, I just logged on. Give me a minute, will ya?
FDA regulated vaccines
Peptides sold by a podcaster