ya boi tim

ME: Hello computer! Please show me what I was doing recently

COMPUTER IN THE 1980's: l cease to exist when I am powered off. Please start whatever you were doing from scratch

COMPUTER IN THE 2000's: Yep here you go champ

COMPUTER IN THE 2020's: I stored 10,000 identical copies of what you were doing in 500 different global datacentres at a carbon footprint equivalent to leaving a semi-trailer idling 24/7 and also sent a copy to the FBI just to be safe. Let me know which one you want and I'll do my best to figure it out. By the way here are 10 things which are similar to what you were doing and 9 of them are ads. Do you like this? Please select "I love this very much" or "I'll be in love with this later" to continue

tech companies have issued a stern warning to the government today that if they aren't allowed to continue dodging taxes, they won't be able to develop new technologies that put hundreds of thousands of people out of jobs

when all you have is the master's tools, everything looks like the master's house

Everything that should cost $2 now costs $20. Things that should cost $20 now cost $100. Things that used to cost $100 are now only available on a $50/month subscription plan. And all of them are made with the quality of something that costs $2 anyway

eating a whole packet of gingernut biscuits and staring at the 1.5 star health rating and shaking my head and tut-tutting occasionally so that the Government knows I’m aware of my choices

binge watching Xena is the best way to do it because in the same evening you get to run the whole spectrum of plots from "Xena struggles with her dark past and her complicated feelings for Gabrielle" to "Xena has diarrhoea"

if you call yourself a "Xennial" in public I will find you and tie your shoelaces together

the people who fix, re-sync and upload correct subtitles are braver and contribute more to society than the troops

pauses in literature are always getting pregnant. who is out there knocking up these pauses. why can’t a pause show up in a book I’m reading without having a bun in the oven

sherlock holmes shitting in his mind toilet