Boosted by @trending@homestead.social
Tell me you have a kitten without telling me you have a kitten
Remote
Happy #caturday
Boosted by @VeroniqueB99@mastodon.social
so just to recap... don't eat the food, don't breathe the air, don't leave your home
If by "meditation" you mean sitting in silence rawdogging your intrusive thoughts, I want no part of it.
Boosted by @GroupNebula563@mastodon.social
Asking the gastroenterologist why I have trouble swallowing pills but not potato chips
Doing hot girl shirt... ya know, just questioning every decision I've ever made
But that's my emotional support box of manuals for every product I've purchased the last 15 years
Moving a home office to your parents' living room should be considered grounds for a Nobel Peace Prize nomination
could a depressed person do this?
[eats a third bagel]
People are threatening to come and visit. Make it stop!
As if this apocalypse wasn't disappointing enough, now we're being wiped out by a diarrhea parasite
They should let the person who invented naps invent more stuff.
Good night to people who tolerate me, and you only
I'm not like this because I'm on Mastodon.
I'm on Mastodon because I'm like this.
Introducing myself to the new neighbors by screaming at sportsball like a lunatic
I hope this email defibrilates your cold dead heart.
In case you're looking for a bad girl
As a semi-sane person I had no idea I'd be yelling at my microwave and dryer this often
Finally bit the bullet, moving to the country to eat a shitload of peaches
LOGGING ON
Gather ye rosebuds mfrs
Some diggety lots of doubt
[updating my dating profile]
Just an old rolling stone who rolled over the hill
I keep thinking how bored my poor neighbors are gonna be. Who are they gonna listen to screaming at Rockets games and such? 👉
Ozzy, no! 😭 and with an idol in his pocket... smh
Replying to
@TheEddieShow@beige.party
Love her so much. Reminds me of my aunt who passed last year but also my first gay dive bar karaoke session where I ran into other aunt while singing "She's Got You" 😂