Terrybot

PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES *DO* PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'.

Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

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By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

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In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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"Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad."

Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

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That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"

Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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"Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad."

Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

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No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

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"Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]"

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

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++?????++ Out of Cheese Error. Redo From Start.

Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

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Azhural raised his staff. "It's fifteen hundred miles to Ankh-Morpork," he said. "We've got three hundred and sixty-three elephants, fifty carts of forage, the monsoon's about to break and we're wearing... we're wearing... sort of things, like glass, only dark... dark glass things on our eyes..."

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

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I'm moving to a new house on mendeddrum.org. The new user will be @terrybot@mendeddrum.org. I hope to see you all there. 🙂

Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Terry Pratchett, Strata

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You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was
"but we've always done it this way." A million dead people can't have been wrong, can they?

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

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I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. *I* TURN UP ONLY ONCE.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

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However, you do *need* rules. Driving on the left (or the right or, in parts of Europe, on the left and the right as the mood takes you) is a rule which works, since following it means you're more likely to reach your intended rather than your final destination.

Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.

Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

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Perdita thought that not obeying rules was somehow *cool*. Agnes thought that rules like "Don't fall into this huge pit of spikes" were there for a purpose.

Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

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It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as
"slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had beed badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.

Ah, but has it been hedgehogged?
Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

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He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens. [footnote: The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit]

Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

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She'd even given herself a middle initial - X - which stood for "someone who has a cool and exciting middle name".

Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

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"You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs anymore." said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons."

Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb

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"What's a philosopher ?" said Brutha.
"Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting," said a voice in his head.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

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- "What's the human singing about, Thing?" said Masklin.
- "It is a little difficult to follow. However, it appears that the singer wishes it to be known that he did something his way."
- "Did what?"
- "Insufficient data at this point. But whatever it was, he did it at a) each step along life's highway and b) not in a shy way..."

Terry Pratchett, Wings

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Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.

Why summoning demons is a Bad Idea
Terry Pratchett, Eric

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I stroll along, talk, I sign books, people buy me drinks, I forget where my hotel is, I get lost and fall into some local body of water... done it hundreds of times.

Going to a convention is fun!
Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially simian ones. They are not all that subtle."

Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

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No-one would have believed, in the final years of the Century of the Fruitbat, that Discworld affairs were being watched keenly and impatiently by intelligences greater than Man's, or at least much nastier; that their affairs were being scrutinised and studied as a man with a three-day appetite might study the All-You-Can-Gobble-For-A-Dollar menu outside Harga's House of Ribs...

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

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There had been some desultory talk about putting up a statue to Rincewind but, by the curious alchemy that tends to apply in these sensitive issues, this quickly became a plaque, then a note on the Roll of Honour, and finally a motion of censure for being improperly dressed.

Unseen University politics at work
Terry Pratchett, Eric

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- "What're quantum mechanics?"
- "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."

Terry Pratchett, Eric

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"I saw a film where there was an alien crawling around inside a spaceship's air ducts and it could come out wherever it liked," said Johnny reproachfully.
"Doubtless it had a map," said the Captain.

Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind

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FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC.

The motto of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

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"Baths is unhygienic," Granny declared. "You know I've never agreed with baths. Sittin' around in your own dirt like that."

Taking personal hygiene to new limits
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

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A heap of discarded garments by the bed suggested that Verence had mastered the art of hanging up clothes as practised by half the population of the world, and that he had equally had difficulty with the complex topological manoeuvres necessary to turn the socks the right way out.

Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren't the people the people who made up the phrase "people are people everywhere" had traditionally thought of as people. And even if you weren't virtuous, as you had been brought up to understand the term, you did like to see virtue in other people, provided it didn?t cost you anything.

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

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I DON'T CARE WHAT IT SAYS, said the tall biker in the helmet, I NEVER LAID A FINGER ON HIM.

Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens

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"They say there's dwarf mines under the Ramtops," she said inconsequentially. "My, but them little buggers is in for a surprise."

Granny reflects on Esk's methods of lighting a fire.
Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

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Only one creature could have duplicated the expressions on their faces, and that would be a pigeon who has heard not only that Lord Nelson has got down off his column but has also been seen buying a 12-bore repeater and a box of cartridges.

Terry Pratchett, Mort

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The thing about iron is that you generally don't have to think fast in dealing with it.

Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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"Does that look like ten per cent to you, Victor?"

Gaspode the wonder dog
Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

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FLORIDA (or FLORIDIA): A place where may be found ALLIGATORS, LONG-NECKED TURTLES and SPACE SHUTTLES. An interesting place which is warm and wet and there are geese. BACON, LETTUCE AND TOMATO SANDWICHES may be found here also. A lot more interesting than many other places. The shape when seen from the air is like a bit stuck on a bigger bit.

From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Enquiring Young Nomeby Angalo de Haberdasheri
Terry Pratchett, Wings

They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.

Discworld scientists at work
Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

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"'E's fighting in there!" he stuttered, grabbing the captain's arm.
"All by himself?" said the captain.
"No, with everyone!" shouted Nobby, hopping from one foot to the other.

Making Friends and Hitting People
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

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