J.

@epiceneVivant@mas.to Happy Birthday!

Creating a list of accommodations and things to help me maneuver when things get difficult. Even though it's entirely about me, I'm calling the list "Other Peoples’ Rule Book of Accommodations" to bypass any pda-related friction that will come up even when I try to tell myself what to. It's also a reminder that despite being about me, many of these are necessary because of other people. They become necessary because my brain wants to default to making someone else comfortable and I have to remind myself that I don't have to do that. I want to rewire my way back to myself. #ActuallyAutistic

My roommate has been occasionally throwing out quotes from #TomodachiLife and it gets me every time. He was in the kitchen getting some food and suddenly I hear, “it’s sooooooooo goooooooooooood.”

I still have such a long way to go to understanding my own needs. Cause and effect and preventative measures—although I can’t tell if ‘prevention’ is ever really possible.

Was woken up by knocking on the door which had me BOLT out of bed to see what was going on. Even on a good day just waking up normally to a quiet house is hard enough and sets off a number of internal alarms as I come back online. It doesn't really matter who it was because there's no one I would be ok with waking me up like that, but it was randomly this overly friendly plumber I use sometimes who had no reason to be here... I'm so spaced out that for a second before I fully woke up I was thinking "did I fucking call this guy?!" but no, I definitely didn't. #cptsd #anxiety

Constant overstimulation from things I cannot fully control alongside an intense pull for a constant input of chosen stimulation from multiple forms simultaneously. AahhhhhhhhHHhhhhHh #AuDHD

Summer. I've got earplugs in plus over-the-ear noise-cancelling headphones plus ambient sound. It's helping but soon I'll be too hot. #ActuallyAutistic

#Overstimulation and #dissociation have really, really ramped up this past week or two. Instrumental music on earbuds has been helping a lot. Helps me reestablish a boundary between what's inside me and what isn't. I must cultivate comfort. Always. But especially so when raw. My dog is sleeping with her head on my thigh (painfully bittersweet bc she's very deep into her golden years and I'm fucking feeling it lately). Listening to music that's holding me. Half-watching a YouTube channel of cycling live world webcams because, for whatever mix of reasons, I get into moods where it's incredibly comforting to have this on. #ActuallyAutistic

... Or if I'm being honest, my "style" these days is nothing more than Baggy Pajamas. ... But I like to style my #Palia character in the way I'd like to dress that day *if* I felt like giving up my pjs.

I can’t sleep so I started looking for people I went to high school with, as well as others from my past. Usually not a good activity to delve into… but right now I’m just struck by how fucking bored I feel thinking about these people… And that feels kinda therapeutic.

Watching Roseanne. It's 1989. Dan and Jackie finish hooking up the VCR. Becky comes downstairs and with a big smile on her face, says, "awesome! It's here! Are we going to rent some movies?" So fucking wholesome. And nostalgic. #tv

I finally managed to call the plumber I needed to call. The anxiety wasn’t even that bad… if I ignore the prior (literal) five weeks of nervous avoidance that it’s taken to get here.

Stimmy af.

I took a streaming break to take care of my dog, and then to grieve after the fact… I’m starting to want to get back to it. Just bought a few idle-ish #games to kind of stir that pot a little.

• Terrascape
• Focusing with Your Avatar
• On-Together summer dlc
• Cozy Cleaner (cleaning games are SO appealing to me, I say, as I never stay on top of irl cleaning)

Sometimes it bothers me that I cannot look way, way back and track the movement and experience of my ancestors.

I’ve been doing all this thinking today about cutting back on media consumption more regularly… and then the power went out.

Quote by philosopher #AgnesCallard talking, in part, about the internet's tendency toward negativity: "… goodness is more context-dependent than badness. There isn’t really anything that’s good all the time for everyone independent of context. There isn’t anything that will always make a person happy. But there are reliable ways to make people unhappy. "… we should predict that what we see on the internet, insofar as people are trying to be legible to large groups, is that they focus their attention on things that show up to everyone. Take two strangers on the internet trying to talk to each other. What are they going to coordinate on as a topic they can both care about? It’s likely going to be something bad." https://www.derekthompson.org/p/a-philosophers-one-word-theory-to #Philosophy #CurrentlyReading

Shoutout to my ad blockers and the extension that mutes ads that I can't block... I forget how important these are until I use a different browser and remember the true onslaught of insanity that is online advertising.

@hellomiakoda@pdx.social Getting the color/tone of light just right is a big thing with me. And then brightness level depends on mood. I *love* using strings of warm-toned Christmas lights. I don't think I've tried LED ones yet but, that's really good to know because flickering is a huge deal breaker. In that same vein... My sister bought me one of those northern lights projector things and I have to be really careful not to look directly at it, and I only really like the red light, but I turn it on once I'm in bed and I find it so soothing. It's surprising because I've never liked any light at all being on when I'm in bed, but something about the moving light..... Seems counterintuitive, but it works

@tehuti88@universeodon.com Aside from looking up specific information on my own I haven't heard as much about this as it seems like I should... I'm not in Canada, but I'm in the northern US and it's been SO smoky