slop enjoyer

they should invent a sunday night that doesn’t make you sad

filled up my water from the fridge but some spilled on the floor and my socks got wet

hating solar power is so dumb like what do you mean you hate the sun

new guy in your group who might be a bird: nice gutters dude, you mind if i perch real quick

we saw you from across the bar and couldn’t help but notice it looks like you need a tums

the lucky charms leprechaun should have been harvested for meat long ago

you ever just eat ice cream

if there were more than one kangaroo jack is it kangaroos jack like attorneys general

i don’t know who reuben is but he did a pretty fucking good job on that sandwich

somewhere in midland, tx tonight there’s an oilfield worker that drives a $120k lifted truck on a 120 month loan, yelling at a buffalo wild wings bartender who makes less than minimum wage about how we need to build a ballroom and i think that’s beautiful

i don’t care how you feel about fall out boy ‘i’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color’ was a bar

(vicious young villagers making fun of you) bro looks like he was assembled hastily!!

a milk that’s bioengineered to be the loudest possible sound through a straw

loudmilk

can someone confirm this is real i need to know this is real

inshallah you will caramelize and become french onion soup

why was erica kirk dressed like she was stealing hamburgers from ronald mcdonald

[doctor voice] i’m sorry, there’s nothing more we could do. your son will be cool as fuck for the rest of his life

the cornell bird app rules THIS IS MY BIRD

it’s 2026 why don’t we have a breakfast soup yet

daughter named yoshimario luigi

maga shouting “build the ballroom” unironically is so funny lmao

hitting the weed pen is a protected action under the geneva conventions

when you deplete the boss health bar and a bigger, brighter health bar appears

happy pride month say it back

if every person could theoretically eat 1lb of dirt a day, how long would it take to eat the entire country if everyone participated?

we can learn a lot from the humble snail

just saw a guy rolling a boulder up a hill. what an idiot lmao

pov: you are the empty babybel cheese bag in my fridge watching as i discover there’s no more babybel cheeses

i cannot remember another snack i’ve thrown away after eating literally one (1) but these fuckin SUCK

introducing my brain to my friend 10mg gummy

walking into my bosses office tomorrow morning holding a bird like a bomb

they should make a warmer milk

you’d think after all these fireworks factory explosions they’d stop building more fireworks factories

RE: @slop@fuckaas.space

guy who builds exploding buildings: what’s the deal with all these buildings that explode

i’m gonna be real your honor this isn’t hitting for me

eating raspberry chocolate truffle ice cream and seeing god

saying ‘thank you for your service’ every time the roomba runs into the wall

now more than ever, this country needs beautiful sweeties with a heart of gold

after deep consultation with my contemporaries online, i’ve come to the conclusion that herbie was fully loaded with piss

need a mental health month

watching house of villains is like getting an at-home lobotomy

it would be nice to be covered in a slime or a goo of some kind

@RVLara23@mastodon.social i credit them with popularizing the “verbose song title” and it was one of the best things about the 00s

hydroxyzine my beloved

the people are clamoring outside of the beautiful sweetie factory, due to the devastating impacts of war on the beautiful sweetie supply chain

asking the bartender if buccal fat removal is right for me

yes i am a boiled egg hater. yes we exist