Pet Rock

Incredibly, as you walk toward your rock you will notice that it actually is coming closer.

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There’s a very good reason for this.

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A healthy rock is a happy rock, everybody knows that!

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Nobody, but nobody likes a surly, misbehaving rock.

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Praise your rock.

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It is in a PET ROCK’s nature that it learns to get down so easily.

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Your PET ROCK will learn this trick the very first time you give it a lesson.

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A genuine, pedigreed PET ROCK will make a much more suitable companion.

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So bad in fact, that we won’t go into it here.

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Nobody, but nobody likes a surly, misbehaving rock.

#pets #PetRock

Place your foot upon your rock and push it firmly into the carpet or dirt.

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It will remain on the paper until you remove it.

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Use the same area for all training sessions until your rock is showing good progress.

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Your rock will now remain sitting until further notice.

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It is advised that you set the box in an area of your home that is to become your PET ROCK’s “special place’.

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After sitting for a long period of time your rock will appreciate the chance to relax.

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They are nearly impossible to domesticate and show practically no learning abilities whatsoever.

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It’s not unusual to walk into a room and see a PET ROCK playing dead.

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Bending over from the waist, face your rock, clap your hands, and let your face light up as you say, COME BRUTUS, C’MON FELLA, HERE BOY, and stuff like that.

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Once you have transcended the awkward training stage your rock will mature into a faithful, obedient, loving pet with but one purpose in life—to be at your side when you want it to, and to go lie down when you don’t.

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You can’t teach a rock to shake hands.

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Assuming your rock is normal it will probably not respond.

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A healthy rock is a happy rock, everybody knows that!

#pets #PetRock

Rocks enjoy a rather long life span so the two of you will never have to part—at least not on your PET ROCK’s account.

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Now, let go of your rock.

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More often than not, and depending upon your arm, your PET ROCK will skip happily to the other side.

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It is extremely unusual to see a rock strolling around unaccompanied.

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It won’t take long before your rock understands what you want it to do.

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A PET ROCK is perfect for people who hate animals, are allergic to animals, or who are not allowed to keep animals.

#pets #PetRock

Return to your training area and set your rock upon the floor or ground.

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All the hours of training will be forgotten.

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Your pet’s own chip must be found and glued back in place.

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PET ROCKS are found with the aid of a specially-trained Rock Hound.

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There’s a very good reason for this.

#pets #PetRock

Place your rock in its training area and give the command, SIT.

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To teach your PET ROCK to FETCH, throw a stick or a ball as far as you can.

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It is assumed that you have given your PET ROCK a name by now.

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No other disease is as debilitating to PET ROCKS as Rock Bottom.

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Next, pick-up your PET ROCK.

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Hold your rock firmly in hand, give the command, SKIP, and throw your rock across the surface.

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In the first place, old rocks don’t heal as quickly and first aid should be immediate.

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Here is a simple method to ensure your PET ROCK always obeys your commands: Repeat the order, SIT, and slowly walk away from your rock.

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It is surprisingly easy to teach your rock cute tricks that will entertain you and your friends for hours.

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Surprisingly, most rocks have no difficulty learning this command and respond quite obediently the first time they hear it.

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Repeat the command, STAY, and slowly back away from your rock.

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Surprisingly, most rocks have no difficulty learning this command and respond quite obediently the first time they hear it.

#pets #PetRock

And, while it takes quite a while to train a rock to come when its name is called, the problem lies not in the rock’s inability to learn commands; the problem lies in the fact that a rock has an extremely hard time learning its name.

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It won’t take long before your rock understands what you want it to do.

#pets #PetRock

When you own a PET ROCK you never have problems with leash law violations, you'll never have to clean up nasty messes, and your pet will never keep you and the neighbors awake at night.

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Perhaps you have seen a particular rock in the wild and thought it would make a nice pet.

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