Lawprofblawg

I used to waste years preparing gourmet meals. It was creative, an expression of my humanity, and fostered zen.

Thanks to McDonalds, I don't have to do that!

#Satire

Supreme Court rules 6-3 that the South won the Civil War.

#Satire

Siri, show me even more evidence that the primary policy goal of the Trump administration is to kill people.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/politics/articles/donald-trump-administration-blocks-disease-075837360.html

Some news: I have resigned my position in the "Gravity Disbelievers Society."

I kept having to float them money. So I'm giving them some space.

I don't like to brag, but I walk fearlessly at night in the same neighborhood in which people post on Nextdoor like they are reporting from a war zone.

Trump Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins assures cattle ranchers that once the Border Wall is built, screwworms will not be able to get to cattle.

#Satire

A reminder that you MUST use the secure software programs we purchased licenses for rather than giving you raises.

Please use Simple Syllabus so the legislature can monitor you, Canvas so hackers can monitor you, and Concur Travel Management software so you can get reimbursed in 6 months.

#Satire

General: Have you developed the gun we need? Kills robots, not humans or animals?

Scientist: This gun sends out chevron wave ( ^ ) that won't harm humans or animals.

General: What's it called?

Scientist: The V-gun.

(Narrator: We are sorry this pun has too much meat to it).

Fidelity month? Excellent idea. I'm going to get myself a Yamaha AVENTAGE RX-A6A 9.2-channel home theater receiver with Dolby Atmos®, Wi-Fi®, Bluetooth®, Apple AirPlay® 2, and MusicCast streaming.

Oh wait...sorry, I misread.

https://www.newsweek.com/arkansas-declares-june-fidelity-monthwhat-does-it-mean-12015517

You almost forget Bezos bought what once was a Newspaper, donated to Trump's inauguration, has trouble not classifying workers as "independent contractors," and AWS' own subsidies for data centers.

1. People threatening to kill "communists."
2. Idiots marching in Washington for white supremacy.
3. People justifying corporate power and oligarchy.
4. 4 Justices questioning birthright citizenship.

Those things to me are related.

I'm not celebrating today.

I haven't weighed in on the Platner discussion, but I think a lot of his problems would be solved if he switched parties. Nazi stuff is welcome there.

#Satire

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/apr/08/clarence-thomas-supreme-court-harlan-crow-hitler-memorabilia

Breaking: Texas Legislature passes emergency legislation barring state university professors from teaching about screwworms.

#Satire

Look, you can either lose your job to AI or because of a Private Equity roll-up. Which will it be?

#Satire

Out: 60 Minutes

In: Shitty Minutes

https://www.statesman.com/news/politics/article/joe-rogan-60-minutes-cbs-anderson-cooper-22289351.php?taid=6a216c4795609a0001f5c7c4&utm_campaign=trueanthem&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter

My current career as an academic can be trying, but not as much as my old career.

I was reminded of this while I was doing some leg workouts today. Every time my knee bent, I felt compelled to sing. It annoyed my fellow gym rats.

No one appreciates a lunge singer.

Doctor reports me in excellent health. I grew taller (now 6'7"), lost 50 pounds (now 170), and have ear scarring consistent with multiple faculty meeting attendance.

#Satire

https://www.yahoo.com/news/politics/articles/trump-physician-says-president-excellent-031340404.html

Message from the White House: As we create an environmental disaster and douse a civilian population with "black rain" after killing girls in a school, we would like to wish all of you a happy international women's day.

#Satire

https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/08/world/video/cnn-reports-blackened-rain-in-iran-tehran-airstrikes-digvid-hnk

Grading.

“The democratic party is out of touch with its constituents,” the law professor tweeted before going to a hiring committee meeting to make offers to three more faculty candidates with JDs from Yale and PhDs from Harvard.

#satire

Breaking: To get around law prohibiting any living person from appearing on U.S. currency, Trump's doctors declare him in excellent physical and cognitive health for an undead person.

#Satire

Epstein files suggest Trump may have had inappropriate relationship with Midas on Epstein Island.

#Satire

Particularly a problem with Cockatiels?

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2026/jun/01/masturbation-birds-natural-healthy-behaviour-study

Breaking: Trump sets up compensation fund for January 6th insurrectionists. Compensation includes free tickets to Freedom 250 Vanilla Ice concert.

#Satire

Bad analogy. Better one: The sycophantic frog doesn't just let the scorpion kill it, the frog is also carrying the Constitution on its back, and the scorpion has help killing the frog from 6 other Justice Scorpions.

It's not well known, but Ian Fleming wanted 007's background to be in chemistry.

"My name is Bond. Covalent Bond." 007 would say.

RE: https://mstdn.social/@lawprofblawg/116678216747108861

Does PETA know that some people punish birds for bird masturbation? Just because some birds don't get a chance to... flock. SMH.

Breaking: SCOTUS rules 6-3 that President Trump able to tear down Statute of Liberty with complete immunity.

After a vigorous dissent from KBJ, Justice Roberts gives a talk on civility.

#Satire

https://www.forbes.com/sites/alisondurkee/2026/06/05/trumps-doj-argues-they-could-tear-down-the-statue-of-liberty-without-legal-repercussions/?utm_campaign=forbes&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_term=se-breaking

Dangerous idea promulgating invader warns of himself.

https://www.reuters.com/business/aerospace-defense/hegseth-d-day-event-says-europe-faces-invasion-dangerous-ideologies-2026-06-06/