mastodon 4.7.3
A friend hasn't answered my message, and I caught myself trying to figure out how I might have offended them: forgotten their birthday, haven't gotten in touch for a while, or something along those lines. Seems silly for someone who's almost 40, but here we are.
This worry of having done something wrong without realizing, being in some kind of trouble, of people being upset with or mad at me as a result of my obliviousness / forgetfulness / social challenges is all too familiar.
A real sentence I said today: "Well, it's not that pets make your life better, it's that they change the reality of your situation in a positive way."
I found it amusing in retrospect. Not sure what made me feel that the distinction was necessary, but I can't help it sometimes. I wonder if it's a #ND thing.
I've been meaning to thank everyone who posts under the #AuDHD hashtag. Reading about your experiences, even mundane ones, feels validating. It still surprises me how strongly these descriptions align with my perception of reality.
Thank you for reminding me that these patterns and differences are real, and that there are other people like me 💜
Slept well for the first time in a couple of weeks. The difference in cognition and mood is striking. I'm pretty sure that if my sleep was more consistent, managing #AuDHD would be much easier. But poor sleep quality is one of the many co-morbidities itself, of course.
I am so thankful that dark themes have become relatively widespread. Whenever I open settings on a website or an app, and see that sweet dark theme toggle, a hopeful anticipation starts building up inside me. Then I flick the switch, and… ahhh – that soothing wave of relief and comfort envelopes me, and I feel like there may be a place in this world for people like me after all. Dog bless.
Saw a comment that referred to "anti-woke" as "pro-sleepy". Made me giggle.
Seeing myself through the lens of #AuDHD has been not only beneficial, but surprising in many ways. After several months of reevaluating my experiences, becoming aware of certain patterns, and adjusting multiple aspects of everyday life, several unexpected things happened:
- I dream every night, and the dreams are incredibly vivid, with elaborate storylines — this never used to happen, especially not for weeks on end.
- I'm able to enjoy music again. It takes me places.
I thought that was a thing of the past.
- I've been unconsciously suppressing stimming for decades, and reintroducing it felt like a sigh of relief.
- I can do stuff just because it interests me without feeling like I'm wasting time.
- I am much more attuned to my energy levels, and have a better idea of what drains me.
- Multiple natural behaviors I had previously abandoned turned out to be intuitively developed grounding strategies that are essential to my wellbeing and recovery.
What surprised me the most was the realization that the autistic part is more foundational to my inner workings. Systems, structures, and routines are the framework. Attentional drift, memory issues, and novelty-seeking are secondary, almost superficial, despite being more noticeable.