Syrinx

I was socialized as a monstrous, defective failure and to imply anything else is a complete misunderstanding of my circumstances.

So I realized from something @salad_bar_breath@todon.nl posted about that I never really talked about kind of the first half of my eventual coming out and it's relation to electoral politics.

In 2016 I had been in the closet a long time, I'd known I was trans a while but fear and a lot of self-loathing meant I hadn't really done much about it outside some very isolated instances in my teens. In the summer of 2016 I had a very good friend group established around myself. They were willing to speak up for trans people even though, as far as they knew, there wasn't one in the conversation. I had a trans friend from my childhood who'd come out shortly after high school who I was reconnecting with a bit. I quietly came out to a gay dude in a vampire the masquerade LARP I was in and it didn't blow up in my face, he never outed me to anyone or pried. My youngest brother was always very outspokenly supportive of lgbt+ people in general and me specifically, I think like most people he assumed I was a queer dude in the closet at the time.

And it was in this positive environment I'd more or less carved for myself that I made a promise to myself: if Trump didn't win the election I was coming out, starting HRT, etc etc. Obviously, that didn't happen. I just focused as much as I could on getting my associate's degree and taking care of my grandfather. But I was sad. So very sad. I had panic attacks pretty often. I was in so much very unnecessary pain.

I eventually came out in early October of 2020, before the next election and like... fuck I should absolutely not have waited. It was like a weight stopped gradually crushing me to death. My life became my life instead of just something I was trudging through.

So just like... if you're in the closet I just want to say: you are capable of being loved and please don't let this election stop you from starting to actually live your life ​​ ​:bugcat_lovehug:​

Probably at least a year out but I'm still thinking of the ffxiv legacy upper back tattoo as a first tattoo ​​

My favorite entries in stories are often the concluding one, I like when things end ​​