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Aaron David
@AaronDavid@c.im
mastodon 4.7.2Best selling author, world heavyweight boxing champion, inventor of the door, liar. Bolton. Age; ooh at least. He, him, sir, mister, my lord. Hoping to spread a little joy and flog the occasional book. If you like a laugh, follow me. If you're easily offended, p*ss off. If you see my posts repeated, unfollow or block me on all but one account
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50 Posts
Joined August 29, 2024
Website:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference and the imagination to stop copying and pasting
Replying to
The Two Ronnies - Four Candles
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?”
The bartender shrugs, “Sure, why not?”
The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out… a tiny rat 🐀. Then out of the other pocket, he pulls a teeny-tiny piano 🎹.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and starts playing the blues like a rodent Ray Charles. 🎶
Stunned, the bartender pours him a free drink 🍺.
After finishing it, the guy says, “Now, if I show you an even better trick, do I drink free all night?”
“Buddy, if you can top that, you’re drinking on me till closing,” the bartender replies.
The man pulls the rat and piano out again, and this time reaches into his coat and pulls out… a small bullfrog 🐸.
The frog clears his throat and starts belting out soulful blues lyrics. The rat’s playing, the frog’s singing — the bar is dead silent in awe.
Suddenly, a man rushes up and says, “I’ll give you $10,000 for that frog!”
The guy says, “Nope, not for sale.”
“$25,000!”
“Nope.”
“$50,000! Cash!”
“Deal.” 💵
The bartender’s jaw drops. “Are you CRAZY? That frog was a gold mine! Why’d you sell him?”
The man smirks and says, “Relax. The frog can’t sing... the rat’s a ventriloquist.” 😎🎤🐀
If you follow me, you have a sense of humour. If you're reading this, you're a reader. I’ve put this story online, free, gratis and for nothing, it's a twelve minute read. If you like it, maybe you’ll be curious enough to risk 99p for one of my short story collections. Maybe you’ll be smart enough to save some money by buying a compilation. Maybe you’ll be brave enough to buy my novel. Whatever happens, I hope you enjoy ‘Vincent'. http://aarondavid.co.uk/Vincent.html #freeread #shortstory #funny #pleaseboost
Replying to
@VeroniqueB99@mastodon.social A car is pulled over in America by a traffic cop. The cop goes to the driver's window.
"You were driving on the wrong sode of the road."
Driver. "I'm sorry officer, I'm English.@
Cop sighs; "You was droivin' on the wrong soide of the rowd, innit."
Replying to
Family Guy - Pure Inebriation
If you follow me, you have a sense of humour. If you're reading this, you're a reader. I’ve put this story online, free, gratis and for nothing, it's a twelve minute read. If you like it, maybe you’ll be curious enough to risk 99p for one of my short story collections. Maybe you’ll be smart enough to save some money by buying a compilation. Maybe you’ll be brave enough to buy my novel. Whatever happens, I hope you enjoy ‘Vincent'. http://aarondavid.co.uk/Vincent.html #freeread #shortstory #funny #pleaseboost